The "We Want No Part of You" List

All you can hear through the speakers of your TV is the roar of 43,000 people whose worldview you vehemently disagree with at this very moment. It's Game 7 on the road. Their guy is staring down one of your guys. Whether it's a pitcher or a hitter. Who is the last person you want to see facing your team with the season on the line?

That's what these two lists are about. We get bogged down in numbers so often (for good reason) that we tend to forget that the climax of the season is determined by a handful of sequences defined by brilliance, pure will, or sheer stupidity. In these terrifying moments as a fan, it seems inevitable that the result of an bat will be a line drive, or that the guy on the mound will graze 3 pitches on the black and quietly walk back to the dugout. Do not confuse this with a "Best Players in Baseball" list. Baseball is a war of attrition that ends rudely and abruptly. These are the players who can neutralize 162 games in one day.

6. Yu Darvish

(Link is a vid of his 14 K game against Boston this weekend) I couldn't leave him off this list given the incredible amount of movement on his pitches. Darvish is mixing speeds on his curveball much more this season. A genius addition when you consider how much late movement he has on his fastball. Strikeout pitchers with live stuff like Darvish are like streaky 3 point shooters. When the shots are falling, it's an overwhelming force that demoralizes your opponent and completely takes them out of whatever rhythm they were trying to establish. (and no, I'm still not over the Nuggets-Warriors series. Draymond Green shot 60%!! Sixty effing percent!!!!! Oh, and Steph Curry has arrived. This isn't debatable anymore.)

5. Craig Kimbrel 

301 strikeouts in 172 innings. A career ERA+ of 259 (meaning that he's 159% better than league average). Now, Mariano Rivera has the G.O.A.T. belt locked up at his position as much as Jerry Rice has at his. It's only been 4 years, but let's just imagine that Kimbrel keeps this up for the same amount of time as Rivera. That would give him 2,156 strikeouts in 1,232 innings, nearly doubling Mo's total of 1,131 strikeouts (just sayin'). It's very early, but Kimbrel's overwhelming dominance thus far makes him the owner of one of the most feared arms on the planet.

4. Felix Hernadez

3. Clayton Kershaw

2. Justin Verlander

There are three acceptable answers to the question "Who is the best pitcher in baseball?" **cue 27 fan bases Googling their teams best pitcher**

1. Mariano Rivera

There is no debate on this spot. None. This guy is as sure a thing as there is, was, and ever will be. Also, ESPN should absolutely do a 30 for 30 on those 11 guys/runs.

Apologies to: Adam Wainwright, CC Sabathia, Aroldis Chapman, David Price, Cliff Lee, Steven Strasburg, Matt Cain, Zach Grienke, Tim Lincecum

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5. Ryan Braun

2007: 34 HR
2008: 37 HR
2009: 32 HR
2010: 25 HR
2011: 33 HR
2012: 41 HR

What I'm trying to say is...well...You know how managers always manage late in games based on the maximum amount of runs you can get with one swing of the bat? Yeah...

4. David Ortiz

Sparked the greatest comeback ever by ending 12 and 14 inning games in back to back nights. 286/.381/.550 over 16+ years ain't too shabby either. He's not slowing down either. He's actually getting better. Big Papi has lost a bunch of weight and has hit above his career average for the last 3+ years: .301/.394/.568. Oh, and this too.

3. Carlos Gonzalez

May 2012: .351/.417/.728
July 2010: .382/.414/.735
September 2010: .393/.454/.626
August 2009: .371/.432/.714

I bring these months up to illustrate my larger point. If there is a Steph Curry offensive equivalent in MLB, it's Cargo. The dude can flat out hit, as evidenced by his Isolated Power of .221 for his career. What pushes him to another level are these stretches where you can.not.get.him.out. He was recently in a 4 for 37 slump. In the first inning of a game at Dodger stadium, he hit a loud out to center field. Since then, he's 11 for 22 with 5 walks, 5 doubles, and 3 home runs. If he played in New York, he'd be a Superduperstar. Call me biased all you want, but due to my rampant homerism, I probably watch him play a hundred more times a year than you do. He's one of the most naturally gifted players in the league. I would want absolutely no part of him at the plate against my team with the season on the line.

2. Joey Votto

He has a .418 career OBP. Last year it was a laughably absurd .474, and he's sitting at .464 OBP in this young season. Bottom line: Joey Votto is going to hurt you in some way, shape, or form when he's standing at the plate. 

1. Miguel Cabrera

Career WAR for Manny Ramirez (the best right handed hitter I've ever seen, steroids be damned): 66.9 in 9,774 at bats. 

Career WAR for Miggy: 49.7 in 6,616 at bats. Is it too soon for Manny to be reincarnated? Cabrera's triple crown means nothing to me because RBI's are silly (as well as batting average to a certain extent), but I still agree with the general premise that this is the most dangerous man inside of a batters box in all of baseball. 

Apologies to: Mike Trout, Matt Kemp, Jose Bautista, Robinson Cano, Justin Upton, Andrew McCutchen, Prince Fielder, Buster Posey, Bryce Harper, Matt Holliday, Troy Tulowitzki, Albert Pujols, David Wright