The 10 Best WWE Entrance Songs

Best all time WWE intro songs: 1. Rock 2. Stone Cold 3. Brock Lesnar 4. HHH 5. CM Punk 10,562. John Cena #wreslemania
— Jacob Weindling (@pollisguy) April 8, 2013

I came up with this cursory list off the top of my head last night while watching Wrestlemania, but something as important as this demands a more thoughtful and nuanced approach. I primarily value two things in a wresting intro. First, the beginning must have a good "pop." The song has to thrust itself into the arena and force that rush of adrenaline into our brains so we exclaim "YES! He's here!" without really even thinking about it. Secondly, it just has to be a good, intense song that gets us pumped to watch people pretend to kick each others asses. I'm also giving out bonus points for any unintentional (or intentional) comedy, since half the fun of watching wrestling lies in the over the top goofiness. On to the list!

11. Shawn Michaels 

I couldn't bring myself to cut anyone from this list so we're starting at number 11. The Heartbreak Kid's intro scores a 100 out of 10 on the comedy scale as he greets us with what I can only presume to be him faking a woman's orgasm. Sadly, there's probably millions of guys like this who's only exposure to one will come from HBK.

10. The Undertaker

A lot of wrestling fans will be upset at me for ranking Taker this low, but the fact remains that it's just not a very good song. But what his intro lacks in grooviness, it makes up in "actually feels like he's rising from the dead-ness." The "GONGGGGG" that starts the whole process should have its own place in the WWE Hall of Fame.

9. Vince McMahon

The storm clouds gather, everyone goes nuts, and out comes the creator of the most unique entertainment product out there. If it weren't for HBK, Vince would be holding the comedy belt for his signature wiggle down to the ring. It looks like his legs and arms are acting independent of each other and the rest of his body. Which, given his history with Stone Cold, is probably a side effect of all the ass kickings he's received.

8. The New Age Outlaws

Items from this clip that have been outlawed in Vince McMahon's kid friendly, milquetoast WWE: ass, damn, Road Dogg's T-shirt, shiznit, doggy style, biatch, the relevance of the Tag Team Championship, badass, "we got two words for ya: SUCK IT!" and fun. I miss the attitude era.

7. Hulk Hogan (Voodoo Child)

Another one that wrestling fans probably won't like, since most identify Hulkamania with being a Real American. The issue I have is that his signature intro is quintessential 80's music. And music in the 80's sucked. I can't believe that I have to actually say this, but I've been left with no choice. Jimi Hendrix > every song from the 80's (except for the next one).

6. CM Punk

I may be a little biased here. This was the first "grown up song" I liked as a kid, and Punk is my favorite superstar because he's undersized and has a tendency to run his mouth to the point where you can't tell if it's part of the bit or if he's really serious. I can identify with guys who let their words get them into trouble with people who don't like hearing harsh truths. Sadly, Punk's ascendance to the top of the food chain in the WWE has neutered his ability to challenge the establishment and the WWE is as John Cena-y as ever (for those uninitiated to the wrestling world, that would be the exact opposite of everything you saw in the Road Dogg clip above). Dear Vince, let Punk run the company and I will stop fast forwarding through 90% of your show. 

5. Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar is the final boss in every video game from the 1990's, right down to the music. It's a damn shame that he never entered the UFC ring to this song in his career. I'm convinced he would still be the heavyweight champion if he had. His intro makes you want to go out and hit something. I wish it would have been around during my brief football career, I feel like it would have made me 5% better (which means it would have lasted 2 years instead of 1).

4. Chris Jericho

Ignore the first few seconds of the video, that was just some stupid clip WWE ran to tease Y2J's return to the ring. I seriously considered putting this up at number one simply because Jericho's entrance basically has the same message as Ron Burgundy at a pool party. "I AM TURNING OFF THE LIGHTS. STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND MY BEDAZZLED JACKET!" As always, Y2J is the best. 

3. Triple H

HHH's intro is such a great pump up song that you routinely hear it during sporting events. I had to fight my instinct to leave him off the list entirely since I spent a big chunk of my childhood despising him and that damn sledgehammer of his. Now that he's older and one of the few recognizable faces left, people root for him, but 10 year old me refuses to let this happen. Anyone who puts their hands together for this man is a traitor, you hear me? YOU'RE ALL TRAITORS! STOP CHEERING! DOES NOBODY REMEMBER THE HORRIBLE THINGS THIS MONSTER HAS DONE!?!?!?!

2. Stone Cold

To be honest, I've never heard much of Stone Cold's intro past the broken glass since the next two minutes are filled with everyone in the arena screaming and generally losing their shit. And how can you not go nuts for a guy who once hosed his boss down with beer?

1. The Rock

The greatest guitarists of all time:
1. Jimi Hendrix
2. Eric Clapton
3. Whomever did the electric guitar for the Rock's intro